I can't believe it's January 2017 already! Time flies when your having fun! Well it has not exactly been fun. I am half way through my chemo treatments. Some days I feel like it flew by, other days it feels like forever! November 29th was my last of my first round of chemo and December 1st was the last of my Neulasta shots. Hallelujah!! Ironically enough the one thing given to boost my immune system gave me the worst reaction. My side effects the last round were less severe but lasted longer. On December 13th my second round of chemo started, once a week for 12 weeks. So far I am handling this round pretty good. The side effects are manageable but annoying. Thankfully by appearance I don't look sick other then being bald and now my eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to come out. If asked how I'm feeling my usual response is good, by all out ward appearance I am. The truth of the matter I pretty much feel like crap most of the time but no use in complaining about something that seems to be my new normal for now. I have tingly swollen fingers, my nails hurt (so annoying), horribly dry skin ,I'm achy, tired, I gained weight from the steroids, I over heat all the time, a roller coaster of moods and just overall I don't feel like myself. And don't get me started on my "chemo brain!" I just keep saying "this to shall pass."
Overall Jack and Ava seem to handling everything with stride. They are definitely sensitive to my moods and my bad days. I am so proud of them for really stepping up and being so helpful. I am trying to keep life as normal as possible for them. Jack chose not to do anything over winter which has been nice and Ava is keeping up with her Irish dance. We took a little break from Feis which was a much needed break. Sometimes it takes everything I have to take her but I know how important it is to her and how much she loves it. I am so grateful for my dance Moms for all their support and carting Ava around when I am not up for it.
The truth is having cancer is lonely. Even with all the support I have it is such a personal journey. When your first diagnosed the out pouring is almost overwhelming. You are in shock, people are in shock and a million decisions have to be made. Then life goes on. People work, they have their own life problems, they have kids to run to sports and other activities. Life is busy and they are the lucky ones, they get a break from it. They get hour and days to not think about it. I think about and live it 24/7. It has consumed my life. My family is lucky to, David gets a break at work and the kids get a break at school. Not that it leaves their mind but they have distraction for at least a few hours. It has been hard being home so much. Sitting still is not my thing, I'm use to going a hundred miles a minute. I miss my life. I miss being me. I miss being busy. I miss working and my clients. I miss volunteering and all my school involvement. I know months from now I will be other side of this but that light doesn't seem so near. On January 25th I go to the breast surgeon to start planning my next steps. Hopefully the chemo stopped the bone cancer so I can have the double mastectomy, which will be followed by radiation, I am counting the days until my last chemo on February 28th.
I am so grateful to my wonderful husband who is been my rock even when he doesn't feel like he is. David has been by my side 100% of the way. I am so grateful for my incredible kids that roll with the punches even when I have break downs and completely lose it on them. They always know when I need a boost and extra love. This journey is making us stronger and more appreciative of the little things. I can not thank my family, friends and community enough for all the love support. From the little jesters to the big ones. I know people feel like they don't want to bother me with constant texts and messages but I greatly appreciate them even when I don't reply. Some times it's all that gets me through the day. I am so thankful for all the meals and for the people who have sat through hours of chemo with me and all the thoughts and prayers. For now I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and continue my fight because losing is not an option! Keep the love and prayers coming! I can use all I can get! XO
Today I had a consultation with my breast surgeon and it could not have gone better. After an exam and an ultrasound to confirm, she believes the tumor in my breast is gone and only scar tissue remains. Hallelujah!!! As the oncologist suspected I am responding awesome to chemo!! I could have a lumpectomy but I am opting to have a double mastectomy. I am not leaving any chance for the cancer to return and feel confident with my decision. My next step is to meet with a plastic surgeon to make a decision on the type of reconstruction I will have. (The call is already in to make an appointment.) Once that decision is made I can book the procedure and we are shooting for the first week of April. The surgeries will take place in one day and will take approximately 12 hours. In the mean time I finish chemo and in early March I will have a bone scan to see if the cancer in my hip was stopped. I am very hopeful since I am responding so well in the breast,
