On February 28 I had my last chemo. It came and went with out much fanfare and I am so happy to be done! It marks the end of the first part of my journey and now onto the next. On March 6th I had a bone scan to check if the cancer had stopped in my bones. After a long week of waiting I finally had an oncologist appointment to get the results and I could not have received better news... "No signs of metastatic disease." Wow!! I cried for days!! I have never seen my kids happier. I can not even describe the relief I felt that day... Or every day since! Although I am only half way there, it is much easier moving forward knowing everything from this point forward is preventative care. I do not have to go back to my oncologist again until after my surgery. In the mean time I made an appointment to meet my radiologist oncologist. I will meet her at the end of the month to find out my treatment plan after surgery.
I have lots of appointments over the next month. I had a follow up appointment with the vascular surgeon. Tomorrow (April 5th) I will have my port removed. Hallelujah!! After having further blood work it was determined that the port was the cause of my clot. I can not wait to to get it out! It will be another step in this journey done. Next week I will begin my pre-op testing for my surgery that is scheduled for May 1st. I will have a mastectomy, tissue expanders and my ovaries and tubes removed. Whew! That's a lot in one day! Looking forward to being on the other side of that!!
I have experienced 6,000 emotions since being diagnosed. It is one roller coaster ride I can not wait to get off of. I can not wait to feel normal again.. well I guess my new normal. I can not wait to have longer hair and all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I can not wait to lose this 35 lbs I put on during chemo. I can not wait to not be out of breath just from walking up stairs. And I can not wait until I am not completely exhausted from running around with my kids all weekend. I guess I was blessed that I never really looked sick. There were definitely days that I felt far worse then I looked making it really easy to say "I'm doing good," although most days I didn't feel that way at all. I just want to feel myself!! I know everyone says "I look great" or "The weight will come off." It's not about the weight or how I physically look but how I feel. I feel off and my emotions get the best of me on most days.I am nervous and worried about the upcoming surgeries. I know I my decisions are the best ones I could make but it does not make it easier. I have faced breast cancer head on from day one even when it was not easy. I am great when it comes to the matter of fact things and I do what I have to. I endured test after test, doctor after doctor, treatments and medications. These are things I did with out complaint because that is how I will get better. Having a mastectomy is a whole different ball game. It is taking a piece of me that I can never get back. It is life changing in many ways. I know I will get through it like everything else but I'm not sure it will be quite as easy.
I am so blessed to have life. I feel blessed to have such a great support system of family, friends and the community around us. I feel so blessed to have a husband who has been my rock and been there each step of the way. I am so blessed to have two amazing children who have handled this so well and always had an "I love you Mom" when I needed it most. Puts life in perspective. Remember "Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you will realize they were the big things." Keep the prayers coming! It's not over yet! XO
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